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‘I Didn’t Want To Be A Lesbian,’ Portia De Rossi Opens Up On Being Mrs. Ellen DeGeneres

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She’s just celebrated her fifth wedding anniversary with Ellen DeGeneres, and now Portia de Rossi is opening up on coming to terms with being gay.

“I just didn’t want to be a lesbian,” de Rossi says in an interview on The Conversation with Amanda de Cadenet.

“I’d never met one for a start and I just thought they were strange and that they hated men and they were very serious and I had these ridiculous images in my head and there were no out celebrities or politicians or anybody that I could look to and go, ‘Oh, I could be like that.’ There was nobody that I could say, ‘I could date her and I want to be like her.’ I just kind of thought I don’t want to live like this. I don’t have to, I don’t need to, I just shut down the emotional life,” she told de Cadenet.

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Her confusion and unhappiness came to a head while she was starring on the TV series, Ally McBeal, from 1997 to 2002.

“I didn’t like people thinking of me as a sexual being, and I was just terrified that people would know that I was gay,” de Rossi says.

It lead her in to a horrifying few years of an eating disorder, with her weight plummeting to 82 lbs. and then blowing up to 168 lbs.

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It all began to turn around when she met DeGeneres backstage at an awards show in 2004.  De Rossi came out as gay a year later,

“For me being honest about who I was, coming out, being gay, starting to date, that was a huge turning point for me, because I realized without changing my life, there was no point in changing the way that I ate,” the Arrested Development star says.

De Rossi and DeGeneres wed on August 16, 2008, becoming Hollywood’s most high-profile same sex couple.

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