It was revealed in court papers Thursday that Jaycee Lee Dugard kept a secret diary during the 18 years she was held captive in a backyard dungeon by Phillip and Nancy Garrido. The diary reveals insight into Dugard’s terrifying ordeal and also shows Jaycee’s obviously confused and conflicted feelings towards her captors.
On July 16th 1993 Dugard wrote, “I got [a cat] for my birthday from Phil and Nancy….They did something for me that no one else would do for me, they paid 200 dollars just so I could have my own kitten.”
An entry on September 5th 2003 reads, “I don’t want to hurt him…sometimes I think my very presence hurts him…so how can I ever tell him how I want to be free. Free to come and go as I please….Free to say I have a family. I will never cause him pain if it is in my power to prevent it. FREE.”
On July 5th 2004 Dugard wrote, “It feels like I’m sinking. I’m afraid I want control of my life…this is supposed to be my life to do with what I like…but once again he has taken it away. How many times is he allowed to take it away from me? I’m afraid that he doesn’t see how the things he says makes me a prisoner…why don’t I have control of my life! I feel I can’t even be sure my thoughts are my own…”
Phillip and Nancy Garrido face a total of 29 charges including kidnapping, rape and false imprisonment.