Transformers: Heavy Metal Mayhem

The first half of the Transformers sequel Revenge of the Fallen is tons of fun. Especially within the first five minutes, when the perverts get to ogle drool-inducing Megan Fox splayed out on a motorcycle in cut-off jean shorts. More Megan Fox, please. More! More!

Anyhoo, Sam Witwicky (Shia LaBeofuf), who saved the world last time around, is now off to college to live a normal life. He leaves behind his sobbing mother, his bombshell girlfriend Mikaela (yum, Megan Fox) and bitchin’ yellow Autobot Camaro. Or so he thinks.

Turns out the evil alien machines known as Decepticons are trying to take over the world again. And they are hunting down Sam because he’s got all these ancient symbols in his head that hold clues about the origins of the Transformers. Then there’s this subplot about the US government not wanting the friendly Autobots teaming up with the army guys (Josh Duhamel and Tyrese Gibson) to fight the Decepticons.

Eh, who cares. It’s all really confusing and silly. What really matters is that stuff gets blown up, awesome robots battle each other and some turn into cool cars, and pretty much everyone in this cast is super-sexy, including Sam’s new sidekick, his lily-livered dorm roommate Leo (Ramon Rodriguez). There’s also some funny one-liners and great LOL moments, like when Sam’s mom (Julie White) accidentally eats pot brownies and Leo gets tased, bro.

That all holds your attention for about 90 minutes. The last action-packed hour, however, is torture to sit through because it’s so boring and predictable — and only suitable for pimply-faced teenagers who play video games for 23 hours in a row.

Having said that, Shia LaBeouf and Megan Fox are so magnetic and easy on the eyes, they can make all the Transformers sequels they want. If they build more machines, we will come.

(Photo: Paramount Pictures)