Two-Hour Britney Spears Sex Tape Coming Soon!

PREPARE TO BE OBJECTIFIED ... OH WAIT Britney Spears What would be the most important thing to ever appear on the Internet? Given that the Webs are solely a vehicle for masturbation to blurry and grainy videos of unimaginative subjects—and with four to five celebrity sex tapes being offered to the market each week!—the answer can only be: two hours of Britney Spears having sex in Mexico in a pink wig! Paparazzo Adnan Ghalib, the lucky lensman whose fortuitous proximity to Spears during her highly public mental breakdown allowed him to take full advantage of the damaged diva's total unmooring, says that he is now taking bids on on just such a sex tape. He has it—and soon you will too.