Glossies Embroiled in Star Wars

MANY VIEWS Jones This week's tabloid war begs the question: If suddenly svelte Star Jones Reynolds blabs to every magazine, can the glossies still shout in all caps that they've scored a "WORLD EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW"? (Hint: Yes.)

Us somehow fashions the Star story into a four-page spread, getting her to dish about her makeup artist, clothier, and hair stylist in a way that brings back icky memories of her fully sponsored wedding to banker/gay rumor magnet Al Reynolds in 2004.

Life & Style's exclusive is limited to this gem: "I'm eating healthier and exercising." Which is almost identical to sister pub In Touch's "I'm eating right and exercising."

Ok!'s exclusive doesn't even address the fact that Star looks absolutely nothing like The View gab girl we all grew to know and wish we hadn't. Instead, they get the skinny on her new Court TV talk show, where, apparently, we'll be spared the details of Star and Al's erotic adventures. "My mom told me marriage is between two people," Star tells OK!. "I'm happy to keep it that way now." Insert the sigh of relief heard 'round the world.