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Neverland-Ending Story

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OUT OF THE COOL RANCH? Jackson

The end of never: Michael Jackson has until March 19 to pay off the nearly $25 million he owes or else Neverland Ranch will be sold at a foreclosure auction. Future tenants will get the merry-go-round, but no word yet on the pet monkeys or child-porn stash.

Gloves off: Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama didn’t play nice in last night’s surprisingly entertaining Ohio debates. Hot topics included NAFTA, that dude who will replace Russian President Vladimir Putin (whose name we can’t pronounce), and Hillary’s health-care plan being way different from Barack’s.

Jurisprudence: A federal judge sends Britney‘s conservatorship case back to state court—where it so obviously belongs.

PLUS: A future-Bushie bachelor party; the EU sticks it to Microsoft; Mischa Barton and the weed; and important whiskey news!

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