Kill Your Guitar Heroes

ROCK IT FROM THE CRYPT Tyler • Spicy reply: In response to our earlier item about the Onion sounding the death knell for Aerosmith, story editor Todd Hanson responds: "The Onion most certainly did not make an error in our reporting ... It also clearly quoted Aerosmith's Steven Tyler claiming the band had no intention of allowing this to happen. Clearly, their inclusion on the new Guitar Hero shows that Tyler has made good on his claim and that Aerosmith is here to stay. The only further statement the Onion has at this time is that some sweet-talkin' mama with a face like a gent said our get up and go must've got up and went."

• Law & disorder: The best way to get out of a high-profile homicide for which you're the main culprit? If you're Joran van der Sloot, confuse the courts by telling inconsistent stories with details that can't be fact-checked.

• Ulterior motives: Experts are calling bullshit on the need to shoot down an errant satellite, calling it a media play to flaunt their new missile defense systems.

• A job well done: Defamer editor Mark Lisanti bids farewell after a courageous four-year stint.

• Copycat: Just moments after the WGA negotiated successful contracts, Hollywood heavyweights are now faced with trying to prevent another work stoppage, this time within SAG.

• It could be worse: Your girlfriend could have a Criss Angel tattoo.

• Who ya gonna call? UK sewage workers have called in a team of ghostbusters to investigate a zombie-like creature they think is following them. It's probably Andrew Ridgeley, the second half of George Michael vehicle Wham!