Scientology Eats Crow?

ORANGE-ISH GREEN Crow • Riding with the King of Thetans: Has Sheryl Crow pimped her eco-ride with a Xenu sticker or is it an unfortunate reflection? (Speaking of unfortunate reflections...)

• For those about to wank: The NME reports that Europe's Sperm for Tickets program—designed to enrich Ireland's paltry semen supply by giving donors free concert tickets—has received "an unprecedented number of applications." Never mind donations gathered by rogue groupies.

• Who's up for shots?: A New York City wine-o cardiologist who goes to 700 AA meetings in one year and still can't kick his quart-and-a-half-a-day Scotch habit heals himself with high doses of experimental drugs. Heroin, probably.

• Out there still hard, especially for pimps: Governor Hobagger T-Shirt hawkers we reported on yesterday are thriving. Domain name poachers, however, like those behind client9.com, have not been so lucky, making only $11.64 since Wednesday.

• B-list litigation : After stating his occupation for the record at the Anthony Pellicano wire-tapping trial, Garry Shandling gets a stern warning from the judge: "You're not a comedian today."

• Because that's what men are like: The "complicated" reasons men pay women for sex—because they can't get it anywhere else/are lazy/seek danger and excitement—are pretty much exactly what you'd expect.

• Economists say what we're all thinking: Break out your party hats, it's a recession! (The wine-o cardiologist is buying.)