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Reflections On An Olympic Bender

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YEAH, WE ALL NOTICED THE RESEMBLANCE Opening Ceremonies

[Our features editor arrived to work today decked in hangover-concealing eyewear. When we called her on it, she claimed it was a result of too much Olympics-watching. Which is great, because none of the rest of us could be bothered. So we made her file a dispatch on the games thus far. In retrospect, we would have preferred the hangover.]

The only thing better than thousands of Chinese dancers in blinking fluorescent green costumes prancing on the world’s largest LED screen is the implied threat within the beautiful choreography: We’re China, man. See what we do just for sport? We can make men run on the ceiling. We can drop $300 million on what is essentially a one-night-only Cirque du Soleil. We can use 2008 human bodies to flawlessly, and with chilling precision, assemble the character for “harmony.” We can totally fuck you up.

Christ, this is the greatest Olympics ever.

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