Hillary's Pumas Wrestle with the God Squad Over BK Broilers

In a dingy Burger King on W. Colfax Avenue somewhere in the outskirts of Denver early Tuesday evening, a tired, hot, and thirsty reporter (okay, me) stumbled upon something alarming: Three sweating women carrying gigantic "WE LOVE YOU HILLARY" signs and wearing "Hillary '08" T-shirts ran square into the God squad: a group of beefy, mustachioed men wearing T-shirts that screamed "JESUS HATES SINNERS" and toting gruesome signage depicting botched abortions. The smell of their liberal disgust came through 10 times stronger that the smell of the French fries permeating the restaurant. Oblivious, the tired women set down all their Hillary Clinton accoutrement mere feet away.

In my eagerness to document what was certain to be Armageddon (no other reporters around! Exclusive! Warring convention protest factions meet in a clash of the titans!), I dumped my whole bag over in a rush to find my tape recorder, and almost fell flat on my face in my sprint to their corner of the room. When I skidded to a stop in front of them, the men were smiling congenially.

"So, why do you like Hillary so much?" one asked. Pleasantly.