Meet the Brandon Davis of 2025

HEATHCLIFF! H.F.A.E.R. Having run out of able-bodied 18-and-ups to whore out in its pink pages, the New York Observer has decided to hone in on a much younger demographic: toddlers!

In today's inaugural installment of "Tots to Watch", we get a look at the glamorous life of four-year-old Heathcliff Felix Alastair Euan Rellie, son of British investment banker Euan Rellie and designer/society gal Lucy Sykes. Heathcliff hasn't even finished up nursery school but already has four pages of photos documenting his attendance at the sort of fabulous parties covered on patrickmcmullan.com. He shows up to a mac-and-cheese dinner with his folks and the Observer's Spencer Morgan wearing a "Kule sweater, an Etro striped shirt, Levis blue jeans and Jon Varvatos Converse sneakers, no laces." He sat in the front row of the Rag & Bone fashion show near Julianne Moore and Gisele, but declared it "boring." Parties—"my party"—are more his speed. He also likes Power Rangers and A Night at the Museum and Batman and can count to ten in both Spanish and French and wants to be a policeman when he grows up.

Enjoy this glimpse into youth unspoiled while you can, because little Heathcliff seems like he's about ten years away from knocking up one of those chicks on The Real Housewives of New York City.