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• Mama’s Family: Michael Lohan is re-opening his divorce to Dina in court today. Michael claims that Dina is preventing him from seeing the kids, shows up to family therapy sessions drunk, and is “living off Lindsay‘s fame.” And she hates the family dog.
• Both sides now: Dick Cheney has apologized for comments he made Monday at the National Press Club about West Virginia and incest. The VP joked that he had “Cheneys on both sides” of his family tree, “and we don’t even live in West Virginia. He added, “You can say those things when you’re not running for reelection.” Actually, you probably can’t.
• Disappearing acts: Opponents of former Russian President and current Prime Minister Vladimir Putin are magically vanishing from TV. During Putin’s first term as president, the Kremlin effectively, and conveniently, took over the country’s major national networks.
SURE, THERE’S MORE: Bill Clinton apologizes, in part; pandas; and drinking like a man!