Lauren Wants You to Want Her

Wow, last night's episode of The Hills was excruciating. Lauren, who has been like a post-feminist icon this entire season, telling everyone that they need to stop putting up with shit from dudes (and alienating everyone in the process), resorted to her whiny and pathetic early Laguna Beach ways. Brody is the new Stephen.

In the episode's final scene, she takes Brody to the restaurant Off Vine. This spot is a huge departure from the usual trendy, trashy places the Hills kids go, like Katana, where Audrina went with her date. Off Vine resembles an old Victorian house that serves food—the sort of place you take your parents when they're in from out of town, or where you bring some guy whom you desperately want to be your boyfriend. Lauren tattoos "romantic date" on her forehead and orders something red in a champagne flute, but asshat Brody can't even bother to take off his ... hat.