Baller, Wife Treat Each Other With Kidd Gloves

HAPPIER DAYS Kidds • Cookin' with the Kidds: Having himself pleaded guilty to abusing his wife—a particularly nasty incident erupted over french fries—New Jersey Nets point guard Jason Kidd alleges that his petite wife, Joumana, got back at him with her skills in household object weaponry.

• FOXy boxing: Keith Olbermann and Geraldo Rivera are trading barbs, with Geraldo calling Keith a "midget," which confuses Olbermann, he says, "since I'm about seven inches taller than him." Despite his lacking reach, now-unemployed Geraldo wants to take the scrap into the boxing ring.

• Pop director pops, directs Brit: Pencil-mustachioed auteur John Waters says Britney Spears didn't exactly do the best job of training K-Fed. But now that he's all shiny and clean, John thinks FedEx is choice marriage material.

• Liver alone: According to circulating reports, Lindsay Lohan is experiencing some rather serious liver problems.

• Brad, Jen, and Angelina inside dope: David Arquette goes on Howard Stern and, because he was BFFs with Brad Pitt and Jen Aniston, gives good gossip.