• Baby-a-go-go: Oprah Winfrey invited Thomas, the pregnant man who’s been all over the news recently, on to her show today. As expected, he dropped a “manternity” joke.
• Jay-Z’s hundredth problem: With the much needed financial security of a $150 million nest egg, longtime pseudo-secret, aesthetically mismatched couple Jay-Z and Beyoncé will likely marry tomorrow in New York City, and act all secret and shady about it until their inevitable divorce.
• Typecasting : Tom Cruise’s turn in prosthetics as a fat, bald film-studio executive, much in the vein of his former nemesis Sumner Redstone, was well-received at an industry screening this week. But it begs the question: Was real-life bald fatty John Travolta unavailable for the role?
• Apple wields branding iron over city: Apple computers calls trademark foul on New York City over who has the right to reproduce images of the forbidden fruit. Next up for Steve Jobs and company: Apple Paltrow-Martin, Apple trees, your face.
• Hills endorsement met with dementia: Like a senile old man after his granddaughter’s school play, John McCain calls his reality-TV-star supporter Heidi Montag a “talented actress.” Not the first of his campaign lies, and surely not the last.
• Obama can’t put down the fags: Democratic candidate Barack Obama has turned back to the sweet, sweet smoke cylinders he gave up in 2007. You see what you’re doing to him, Hillary? YOU SEE?!
• Red hawk down: A young girl visited Fenway Park today, with scarring results: “The protective hawk swooped down on the girl, its talons cutting her head above her eyes.”
• Wiggin’ out: Heather Mills, have you considered Scientology?