GET WELL SOON Elisabeth (Photo: Getty Images)

• Healing process: Elizabeth Hasselbeck‘s vagina is still healing after childbirth. The View-tard tells the ladies “my personal fantasy right now is to close-up downstairs like I was before my second child popped out.”

• Life imitating art: Christopher Mintz-Plasse, better known as Superbad‘s McLovin, hits the scene, engages in some underage drinking in the Big Apple.

• Free to blog: Ex America’s Next Top Model candidate Elyse Sewell beats the abuse rap filed by her allegedly grabby indie-rock paramour, Shin keyboardist Marty Crandall. No word yet on the ivory-tickling, possible GF-thrashing moppet’s own abuse case.

• By the numbers: New Hampshire voters come out in large numbers to vote in the state’s primaries. Obama and McCain lead.

• Rough ropes: Not so brightest Hills starlet Audrina Partridge has some trouble getting into hot L.A. club/Hills location Hyde.

• Anything for his country: Blowhard-y patriot Bill O’Reilly defends his shoving of an Barack Obama staffer, saying “I had no choice, ladies and gentlemen, but to uphold the Constitution … and defend the freedom of the press.”

• New Knut: Germany has a new celebrity orphan polar bear after a four-week-old cub is separated from his disturbed mom at a Nuremberg zoo. Earlier this week, at the same zoo, another psycho mommy polar bear ate two of her cubs.