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Future North Korean Leader Beckons Clapton, Still Pines For Van Damme

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Guitar hero Eric Clapton‘s invitation to perform in North Korea is being taken by some as another sure sign that Kim Jong Il‘s second-born son, Kim Jong Chol, a Clapton fan, will be his father’s successor. What this means for you: America’s love for lampooning a weirdo North Korean dictator while he brutally oppresses millions of people is safe for years to come.

Following in the footsteps of a father who once produced a movie about a Godzilla-like creature that held strong agrarian socialistic views, the 26-year-old Chol appears to also have a goofy fascination with film. He reportedly became obsessed with The Matrix and spoke openly of his desire for sunglasses “like the ones Keanu Reeves wore in the movie. And after seeing the hockey-game massacre flick Sudden Death, Chol indicated that as a leader, “I’d destroy all terrorists with the Hollywood star Jean-Claude Van Damme.” Also, Chol is said to be quite effeminate and was at one point written off by his father because he was “too much like a girl.” All of which suggests that there may be big changes ahead for Kim’s bikini-clad “pleasure squads” in North Korea, but maybe not much else.

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