Here’s what happened while we weren’t paying attention:
• Why in the name of God do they keep letting Sarah Palin talk to Katie Couric? Also? Palin is apparently so focused on Roe v. Wade that it’s like no other court case exists!
• The Dow Jones clawed back nearly 500 points on hopes that a new solution would be found to protect Wall Street from its own mistakes. Former House Speaker Newt Gingrich announced plans to pretend to be in favor of it while telling fellow Republicans to shut it down.
• Sodium-hating midget Michael Bloomberg will, to no one’s surprise, seek to change New York City law so he can run for a third term.
• Democratic strategist Peter Feld won’t be happy until Obama loses. And no matter what recent polls say, he thinks there’s still a chance.
• R&B star Usher is launching a line of silky underthings! “Comfort and intimacy is very important,” notes the singer. At this point we would include some kind of lame pun based on the title of one of his songs, but since I’m completely unfamiliar with his work we’re just going to let this item trail off into completion, much like the month of September is currently doing. And … now! Have a great night, everybody.