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Douchebag Alive!

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Although his car was found by a bridge on the Hudson River nearly a month ago with “Suicide Is Painless” written on its hood, Samuel Israel III is alive and well! The former hedge fund exec, convicted of defrauding the company’s members, has just been busy—too busy to report for his 20 years in prison. He turned himself in this morning in Massachusetts. Gosh, that’s a long walk.

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