We’re really sorry we couldn’t make room for you at our launch party last week. It was a small venue, and, well, you know, fire codes and all. But we can’t blame you for trying so hard to get in—it was really fun! Ask everyone you know.
Also, we’re sorry we couldn’t help you out last summer, when you asked one of us if we could get you a job here, or even some freelance work. To be honest, based on your poorly written, error-prone work at Jossip, we really didn’t think you were qualified. But things worked out for you just fine, right?
Speaking of which, we also regret that our tidbit on your clumsy favor-trading almost got you fired from Page Six before you even had a chance to start working there. Look on the bright side: At least we didn’t actually get you canned, unlike some people. Oh, and sorry we couldn’t run a more flattering photo of you with that item (or, well, this one), as you shrilly begged us to after it was posted. Funny thing—we just couldn’t find one!