Chris Rock Testifies in Pellicano Trial, Nothing Happens on Anyone's Ass

BLACK PEOPLE TESTIFY LIKE THIS ... Great, Chris. Give racists the perfect leaving-the-courtroom pose, why dontcha? (Photo: Getty Images) • Rock solid testimony: In the Anthony Pellicano trial, Chris Rock denies knowledge of anything illegal, but cops to hiring the accused wiretapper and PI to the stars to dig up dirt on a one night stand, or as he put it, "Someone who ... claims to be pregnant with my child and requested large sums of money." As everyone now knows by now, Rock "came on her ass."

• Some stank don't scrub off: Yet even more pictures of a seemingly pre-boob-op'd alleged Spitzer girl Ashley Durpé—from Girls Gone Wild—have surfaced. In this installment, we're comforted in the fact anything Joe Francis-related makes her feel the need for a shower, too.

• Ad bi: Barack Obama is the first presidential candidate to advertise in the gay press, followed quickly by Hillary Clinton, reminding everyone how the Dems are the party of the gays—even if they awkwardly eschew important matters like gay marriage and Top 40 radio's refusal to play new Madonna.

• Good 4 them!: Jay-Z and Beyoncé allegedly tie the knot in NYC but are re-doing it in France on April 4, In Touch reports. They're obsessed with four. The reception reportedly began at 4 p.m. today, the fourth. On Dec. 4, they both got "IV" tattoos on their fingers, and they were both born on the fourth day of different months. You know another good number for them? $150 million.

• Give conditionally: Hillary launches an online campaign donation system that lets donors earmark their funds for specific expenditures. Here's $10. Get y'self something nice.

• The suffering!: Yoko Ono has come out in support of Heather Mills, proclaiming how the wives of The Beatles have quietly suffered. For a long time, Ono wasn't allowed to dress or leave John's bed.

• Thanks a lot, Atari: Since the 1980s, China has been taking international e-waste, like discarded computer circuit boards and unsold Sheena Easton CDs—a practice that has rendered the water in travel hot-spots like Guiyu undrinkable. And unlistenable.