Bum Fights, Election Edition

BUSH BABY Dubya, friend • Typically hypopolitical: President George encourages ballot-boxers: "No matter what your party affiliation or if you don't have a party affiliation, do your duty, cast your ballot and let your voice be heard." In addition, it always helps to have a staffer draft up an electronic letter for you on the Interweb and send it to patriots to save this God-fellated land, urging them to vote Republican.

• The case of the lonely Maryland Republican: In the midst of all of these calamitous Election Day mishaps, Robert Ehrlich hired homeless men from Philly, outfitted them in campaign T-shirts and hats, gave them misleading literature (Ehrlich's running mate is a "Democrat," it says), and bused them over state lines to harass the masses.

• Proof that midterm elections are still up for grabs: Voters in a CNN poll consider Iraq the fourth most important issue (under corruption, terrorism, and economy).