Bring Me the Head of Britney Spears

CHILD'S PLAY L&S cover

We so don't want to write another word about Britney Spears. The poptart's craziness has reached a point where hyperbole isn't fun anymore—quite honestly, hyperbole might not be possible anymore. Alas, Brit's "tragic free fall into madness" (to borrow a phrase from Star) is the top story on four out of five weeklies, with knocked-up little sis Jamie Lynn picking up the slack on holdout In Touch.

All told, the House of Spears takes up 37 pages of glossy ink. For self-preservation, we don't really want to count the pages to figure it out, but we're going to guess that's like 85 percent of this week's glossy contents—virtually eclipsing the coverage of Andrew Morton's un-authorized biography of Tom Cruise that claims Katie was impregnated with the frozen sperm off L. Ron Hubbard (again, no exaggeration). Hmm, perhaps Brit's breakdown was brought to you by the church of Scientology?