Britney? Nah, Brangelina Moves Units!

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AW, MOM! Angie

Four out of five celeb weeklies agree: Britney Spears should not dance and lip sync in her underwear, but putting Angelina Jolie on the cover sells more mags.

There is no agreement, however, on what the world’s hottest humanitarian is doing.

Star and OK! both run with pics of Angie holding a daughter. The AMI kids claim Brad and Ange are giving extra hugs and kisses to African-import Zahara as she’s still suffering complications stemming from malnutrition during her orphanage days, while OK! finds “friends”/pissed PA’s to say that that bio baby Shiloh has finally won over mamma’s heart. “Shiloh’s a piece of Angie staring back at her,” says the friend—you know, cuz Shi’s Brangelina’s real kid. In this battle of the Jolie-Pitt girls, only one thing is certain, the pics of Angie and Z with matching $1,700 Valentino Historie handbags were too cute not to run.

Meanwhile the Bauer Bunch goes with the scowl-y Angelina covers. In Touch plants a spy at the Waldorf Astoria bar who manages to capture direct quotes of Angie bashing Brad’s parenting and fiscal skills. “Brad knows that there are times he should just be quiet and look pretty,” Ange supposedly laments to a male friend. Honestly, is there anyone in this country who thought their relationship went any other way?

Sister rag Life & Style suggests that angry Angie told Brad to go back to Jennifer Aniston after Brad told V magazine that he and the ex Mrs. Pitt still maintain a “deep friendship.” They back this up with a series of red carpet photos where it appears that Ange looks unhappy and with her jaw-clenched—it even seems as though Brad is dragging her against her will. Pretty damning. Until you look at Angie’s uber heels; Brad’s not pulling her, he’s holding her up.

Girl, if you want to put a stop to the break-up rumors, go buy a pair of flats.

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