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Blair Slutty, Not Preggy: The Gossip Girl Winter Finale

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XOXO Gossip Girls

That’s all Gossip Girl wrote!

In the winter finale of “television’s biggest phenomenon” (CW’s words, not ours) last night, the show eschewed those usual finale cliffhangers in favor of messy endings: Maybe, just maybe, Blair was pregnant. But then no, she wasn’t. Sort of a bummer, because while the movies have been filled with accidental pregnancies recently, we were really thirsting for a good old-fashioned Julia-Party-of-Five-but-rich-teen-pregnancy story line. We dreamed of Blair and Serena skipping off to the UES abortion clinic in designer duds, and Blair sitting on the table in one of her kooky, Victorian child outfits, while Serena held her trembling bitch hand like the former-slut-with-the heart-of-gold-that she is.

Spoiler warning: This is not what happened.

Aside from one prime moment when Blair’s mom accused her of having a bulimia episode and we wondered if it wasn’t really her index finger but morning sickness that had Blaire vom-ing into the toilet, we were denied your typical teen pregnancy scare pleasures. But, morning sickness-bulimia confusion = brilliant. Pay these writer people more.

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