America Too Poor For Coffins Now

Oct. 27 2008, Published 7:07 a.m. ET

New York City's cemeteries are already crowded—but that's just fine, because no one can afford those fancy burial grounds these days. Now will come the vogue for being burned alive (well, burned dead, really) because it is the cheap way out. Woodland Cemetery tells the New York Post that "while the number of cremations at ~~Whispering Glades~~ Woodlawn has typically risen by about 100 a year, the figure will jump by more than 300 this year." Remember back in the day when people would pay exorbitant sums to have their dead cats blasted into space? THAT IS OVER. Now we are all about putting them on the curb in trash bags. Pretty soon that will be the way we deal with grandma too, for the rise of cremation is only a guilty half-step towards mass human trash disposal. Next up: Kurt Vonnegut's suicide parlors!