Seattle has been rocked—rocked!—by a devastating incident of mayhem. New York City isn't the only city having violent incidents during monthly Critical Mass bike ride demonstrations. (Just what those pain-in-the-ass, self-righteous, horrifying hippies needed—an actual, bona fide martyr. Thanks, stupid NYPD rookie!) So on the fairer coast, a typical Critical Mass incident went totally postal—with awful and hilarious results!

So the cyclists were, as they are wont to do, blocking the intersection while their little eco-friendly righteous parade passed. Recounts the Stranger: "[T]he driver grew impatient and angrily told them to 'get the fuck out of [his] way' because he 'had reservations.'" Heh. The driver then tried to rev his engine but "the car lurched into gear," a phrase which actually has little to do with how cars actually work in the real world. When was the last time you had a car "lurch into gear"? No. And so he put two people in the hospital.

Two bicyclists were actually arrested, and the latest Seattle Post Intelligencer account begins, rather unbelievably, like so: "Two Critical Mass riders arrested after protesting cyclists beat a motorist were unrepentant Wednesday..." Really? Because they were trying to defend people who were getting RUN DOWN? I'd be bloody unrepentant too.

And then the driver gave this quote to the Stranger, and it is the best thing anyone will ever say ever: "I'm gay, the person with me was a lesbian, and we were attacked by ecoterrorists. It's the most Seattle thing that could have happened."