Well. Lah-de-fucking dah. I once--TRUE STORY--was sitting in the backyard, in my capri shorts, the ones with the powder-blue pandas, and a CHUNK OF BLUE ICE fell right of out the sky (SWA 1331 from Omaha--I checked my OAG Official Flight Schedule Guide) and landed RIGHT IN MY BOURBON. Plus it was Knob Creek, which I had intended to enjoy neat, so that made it even WORSE.

But did I get on TV? No! Not even fucking MAURY POVICH. And I called those assholes, believe you me. I even went down there, but the address they gave me was PHONY. Can you even stand it? It's got to be because I didn't have the video. I had no video. Fucking cheap-ass Southwest Airlines.

I'm going to start following myself around with a security camera.

Awkward interviews that go nowhere and state the obvious. Always a pleasure, Today Show.

if you look close at the video, you can see him glancing to his left as in, no way this is gonna happen again on the same day!