Everything is bigger in Texas, right? Well, it looks like that even extends to the cojones of their toddlers. A five-year-old boy escaped his daycare center just outside of Dallas, Texas, earlier this week by saying he had to go to the bathroom. He then proceeded to sneak out through an unlocked fire exit, walk to a RaceTrac gas station to buy himself snacks and soda, and then stroll nearly a half-mile to the local Hooters, presumably to pick up a couple chicks and power a few hot wings. Nappy hour, if you will? [I will not.—Ed.]

Deborah Pugh, owner of the Imagination Station daycare center, said that it wasn't until the boy's father arrived just a few minutes after he asked to go to the bathroom that staff realized he was missing. Hooters girls noticed the boy had no chaperone when he arrived around 5 p.m. and called the police.

Police said the greatest concern that they had was the distance the child was able to walk and how much time he was missing before anyone noticed. We disagree. First, who was the person at RaceTrac who sold snacks and soda to an unaccompanied five-year-old, carrying enough money to buy himself food and drinks? Clearly, the kid is some sort of pimp, but what child that small carries around dollar bills in his pocket? Did he pull them out from a wallet? Money clip? Second, not one motorist noticed a small child crossing the street solo? Do babies normally roam the streets of Texas at a leisurely pace? In any case, any five-year-old cool enough to walk himself to Hooters should be bottled and sold. We look forward to his adorable Today show appearance sometime next week.