• Britney settles again: In a victory for serial impregnators everywhere, Kevin Federline got sole custody of the two kids he put in ex-wife Britney Spears' womb. Federline celebrated the settlement by knocking up a court reporter, a female bailiff, and a woman thousands of miles away in Davenport, Iowa, who will never be able to convince her friends and family that she had no idea how it happened.

• "Quentin, your spelling is fucking atrocious": Cineaste Susannah Breslin reviews the screenplay for Quentin Tarantino's Inglorious Basterds. The whole damn thing is online; hurry before The Man makes them take it down.

• One step back: The Chinese government has declared that all overseas entertainers posing a threat to China's sovreignty will be banned from performing after Bjork called out "Tibet" during her performance in March. Officials are now scrambling to rebook the Olympic opening ceremonies because headliner Anti Flag are now unqualified.

• Bow chicka bow wow : More babies were born in the US in 2007 than ever before, beating out the big baby boom in 1957. We blame Ellen Page.

• Miley's money shot : The issue of Vanity Fair featuring the controversial pictures of Miley Cyrus was the mag's strongest seller since last November. Either people have never heard of Google Images or they were really interested in Robert F. Kennedy.

• A Bad Day: John McCain surrogate Bud Day said on a conference call with reporters, "The Muslims have said either we kneel or they're going to kill us." Someone at the McCain campaign should be buying gags in bulk at this point.