BACK IN BABY'S ARMS Lohan, Ronson

1) Two women who are not technically out of the closet but are presumed to be dating—let's call them "Lindsay" and "Samantha"—sit down for dinner at a posh New York City restaurant populated by lots of famous types. While at the restaurant, call it the Waverly Inn, they are seated next to some people who run a downtown gossip website. Lindsay accidentally steps on the foot of one of the diners at the table of the gossip-people on her way out the door. The following snippets of dialog, from "Samantha," are recorded: "Are you leaving?" "Lindsay are you leaving?" "I guess she's leaving." "She just left!" Those snippets are later posted online by the gossip people.

2) Another, bigger, gossip site picks up the story. Some intern or art-type mocks up a fake tabloid cover announcing that Lindsay and Samantha have broken up, complete with the following headline: "It's Over! 'She left!' Cries Sam as Lindsay abandons her at posh night spot."

(So sad. But then! Another sighting, shortly afterward, discounts earlier reports.)

3) 20,000 people-plus have by now read the bigger gossip site's account, and tell their friends about the break-up on IM while bored at work. Their friends probably tell their friends. So now everyone in the world who cares about this sort of thing assumes that the rumored lesbian power couple is over before they even came out in the first place—despite the fact that, according to multiple eye witnesses, the two were actually making out at the Beatrice Inn hours after the alleged break-up at the Waverly Inn. Which means Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson either endured the world's shortest break-up, or, you know, never broke up in the first place.

In defense of the rumor-mongering, it's really hard to find things to write about during the summer.