We all have our own beliefs as to why heterosexual actor Tom Cruise has fallen in so deep with the Church of Scientology. "Dr. Drew" Pinsky, the host of Loveline as well as chief resident on VH-1's Celebrity Rehab, thinks Cruise's weird behavior is "a function of a very deep emptiness and suggests serious neglect in childhood—maybe some abuse, but mostly neglect." (Pinksy also refers to the Church as a "cultish kind of environment.) Neither of these claims is sitting well with Cruise's high-profile lawyer, Bert Fields, who responds in Page Six by calling Pinsky a "unqualified television performer" who is "grotesquely unprofessional," adding, "The last time we heard garbage like this was from Joseph Goebbels."

Now, Pinksy may be a television performer, but he's by no means unqualified:

The Amherst grad got his M.D. at the University of Southern California Medical School, where he now teaches, and also served as chief resident at the Huntington Memorial Hospital in Pasadena. And perhaps the Goebbels quip was a way for Fields to subtlety remind everyone that his client has a Nazi movie coming out—especially since that movie, the very shaky Valkyrie, is single-handedly being counted on to boost the financial prospects of Universal Artists?

Fields certainly couldn't have taken issue with Pinsky's diagnosis that Cruise was neglected and maybe abused as a child: Cruise himself has talked openly about being bullied and beaten by his father as a child. So maybe he's only really objecting to Pinsky calling the Church of Scientology a "cultish kind of environment." Though that doesn't make sense, either: the Church never responds to criticism by sticking an overzealous lawyer on the case to provide a response totally disproportionate to the original slight.