Some time ago, we introduced an equation meant to help predatory teachers in navigating the treacherous waters known as Boning Your Students: Radar's Teacher Jailtime Calculator (™ pending). Though it requires a modicum of algebraic know-how, it makes sense: plug in the numbers and, presto!, you know whether or not this little sure-to-be-discovered tryst will be worth it. Not surprisingly, few are doing their homework—they're too busy boning their students:

Adrienne Laflamme, a science teacher in, you guessed it, Florida, is the latest to stand accused of having sex with her underage charges. She is 60... as in years old. Now, the boys (there was allegedly a menáge a trois, among other things) were obviously looking to follow in the footsteps of those who have nailed the foxy Debra Lafaves of the world. But a 60-year-old science teacher? Not even close. Anyway, we ran the numbers on the Laflamme case, and, well, even with many unknowns, we came up with a round estimate of a 1,000,000-year sentence. The woman's 60! A minimum of 1,000,000 years for traumatizing these boys by not having the courtesy of being young and attractive. (Also, the boys should spend one year in juvie for not respecting themselves.) [Orlando Sentinel]