Barack Obama's got trouble: Jew trouble. That's the thesis of a front-page article in today's New York Times by West Palm correspondent Jodi Kantor, who surveys the Jews of Florida and finds much discontent with the senator from Illinois. Jews, of course, are a vital constituency for the Democratic party, and Florida is a state which could very well decide the election depending on which way the Jews jump. Why don't the Jews like Obama? Most Jews use the excuse that they don't think he's friendly enough to Israel, but one Jew says that her fellow Jews are lying: it's all about race.

That thesis is borne out by quotes in the article expressing Jewish fear of blacks. Jew Jack Stern cites crimes in the old New York neighborhood where he used to own a bakery (that very well may have sold Jew pastries). "I got disgusted, because they killed Jews. I shouldn't say it, but it is what it is," he says jewily.

Other Jews are determined to assuage the fears of their fellow Hebrews. National Spokesman for The Jews Alan Dershowitz "said he had been deluged with questions from Jews about the race, especially about what to think of Obama. 'I have gotten hundreds of e-mails asking me, 'Who should we vote for?'" Dershowitz tells his Jewish interlocutors that all three candidates would be good for the Jews and that Jews shouldn't believe any crazy stories their Jew friends tell them about Obama not liking Jews.

What's a non-Jew to do? Get all his Jews together to convince wavering Jews. "Obama has lined up surrogates like State Representative Dan Gelber, the House minority leader, and [U.S. Rep. Robert] Wexler, both of whom are Jewish. [The Jew] Wexler said he would try to convert [Jewish] voters one mah-jongg [a card game popular with elderly Jews] table at a time, with [Jewish] town-hall meetings in the card rooms of high-rise condominiums [where Jews live] and articles in community newspapers [read by Jews]." It's a promising strategy; Jews love being courted, and if Obama can jew jew Jews jew jew, jew jew jew jew jew.

Jews.