Bret Michaels and his horde of stilettoed skanks reunited Sunday night to catch up, have a drink, resolve differences, and punch each other in the head. Hosted by Headbanger's Ball alum Ricky Rachman, the post-season sit-down, even with the minor punching rift and the bounty of discount hair extensions, left plenty to be desired—most notably, any ditzy naked-girl antics that made this season so profoundly irresistible.

Runner-up Daisy actually arranged a few words that magically became sentences—some of which even made sense. Destiny kept her clothes on the whole time. Bret and his "rock of love," Ambre, sat arm in arm cooing grossly at each other. Megan wasn't even given a chance to be dumb and squeaky, and Kristy Joe, who we learned is now happily married to the same guy she was formerly unhappily married to, neither cried nor threatened to leave. The occasion was actually as normal as one featuring a fame-starved gaggle of poorly dressed trollops could be.

The brown-bag special porn-star Angelique, aka Frenchie, confessed to having reluctantly retired from her "streeping" career because she'd become an all-too popular roadside attraction. She asked Bret to allow her to perform a grinding encore lap dance, and he, a bit too eagerly, obliged. After soiling Michaels' strategically torn Levis, she exchanged some heated words with Aubry—who you'll remember for having Little Bo Peep bouffant and a strange fascination with Kristy Joe—that culminated in this treasure: "Keez my purfect barbee ass."

Then Peyton performed a not-so-horrible song, but didn't do herself any favors with the accompanying vest and two-step. Destiny rebutted accusations of "psycho" fandom and everyone paid a tearful tribute to her late father—a jolly, tattooed biker who made a cameo appearance during the episode that Daisy dry humped the floor and was finally eliminated.

But none of this season's ladies were deemed good enough to sufficiently support a full hour-long chit-chat, so VH1 invited last season's Heather to come by and stir up further drama. Daisy, forced to sit beside the sparkly bandanna-wearing man-beast, punned a surprisingly astute comparison between her nemesis and one scarved member of Fleetwood Mac. "Skeevy Nicks" retaliated appropriately by kicking Daisy in the stomach, pulling her weave, and punching her atop the head.

Eventually Michaels was reunited with his TV-hosting rockin' love Ambre, and they sat on a couch recounting affectionately of having had "hot, monkey sex" in Michaels' tour bus. Ahh, the life of a shameless has-been. We have a hunch it's not going to work out. Judging by Ambre's Myspace page, she's well on her way to being a topless mega-star. So, mission accomplished. See you soon, Bret.