Sunday night, Rock of Love 2's Bret Michaels resumed the hysterical charade of having spectacularly obnoxious women vie for his attention by behaving in ways that would have ordinary mortals buckled over in embarrassment.

And he showed us his roots—or at least the equine ladywig glued to where his real mane used to be. Ambre, meanwhile, showed us a glimpse of her life outside of the mansion, declared herself a "TV Hostess," and reminded us that she was playing it up for the cameras long before VH1 discovered her (clip above).

Of course, the inevitable tears were shed, and tattoos and (less permanent) I love you's were distributed like so many SoCo-and-lime shots. Along the way, Michaels foraged for answers to life's most stupefying questions, among them: Why does he always wear a bandanna? Turns out, he actually has center-parted, shebangs that wispily adorn his sun-kissed mane. (Memo to Bret: It looked better on the female mannequin.)

On this special day, tresses-down, Michaels met his ladies' families, including Ambre's daydee—an irritatingly sweet man who's as subtly conniving as his daughter—Daisy's ex-boyfriend's sister, and Destiney's father, Tommy—who came despite terminal liver cancer. Tommy, apart from his weird halo tattoo, odd approval of his daughter's love interest, and spontaneous, unprovoked grinding, may well be the only decent human being to ever enter Michaels' mansion o' love. Why, of all those to set foot in the mansion, is it he who is dying of cancer?

Michaels, who finally added a hat, took Daisy and company to some big-deal restaurant where Daisy was amusingly berated over her relationship with her stand-in mother's brother. Michaels diffused the situation and escorted Destiney and her family via motorcycle to a tattoo parlor, where he seemed sincerely disappointed that she opted to have the Rock of Love logo emblazoned on the back of her neck rather than his name.

And while Michaels quested for the truth (Daisy has a boyfriend, no she doesn't, yes, she does, no she doesn't) and tried to suss out fact from fiction (Ambre's 31. No, wait, 32. No, actually 37) Destiney confessed that, after two or so weeks of dating Bret Michaels while he simultaneously courted 20 other women, she is still, astonishingly, not 100 percent in love with him. She was promptly (rightly?) booted. Daisy, wearing a nightie of sorts to the elimination ceremony, rubbed up on her own boobs, while the more conservative Ambre dried her eyes and man-walked toward him, visibly relieved that all the truth-telling nice people had been effectively defeated. They shared an awkward embrace, and Michaels, reveling in the specialness of washed-up rockerdom, pondered what he would do for attention once this second season ends. Our suggestion: an ad campaign for Herbal Essences.