left arrow BackNext right arrow
< BACK TO Fresh Intelligence

What Happens If Hillary Wins Big?

hillpenna.jpg
WIN BIG OR GO HOME? Clinton (Photo: Getty Images)
As you are no doubt aware, there's a primary today in Pennsylvania. New York's Peter Keating evaluates the contest and predicts how various scenarios will affect the state of the race. His assessment: An Obama victory is unlikely, but should it occur the race is over. If Clinton wins by less than six points, she has failed to meet expectations and will be even more strenuously advised to drop out. A 7-to-12 point Hillary victory is what most people are expecting, so it won't change much. A win of 13-to-18 points means "the campaign would stretch on for another month." And a Clinton win of 19 or more points "would not only underscore Obama's weaknesses among culturally traditional whites. It would wipe out half of his national lead, boosting Hillary's chances to eventually overtake him in at least some popular-vote calculations."

But why stop there? What happens if Clinton is victorious by an even larger margin? Radar breaks it down:

Clinton +29 to +38: Gnashing of teeth and rending of garments on college campuses nationwide. A noticeable shift in the tenor of campaign coverage from the media, with the exception of Chris Matthews, who will claim that Clinton won "because Bill fucked around and people remember that." Harold Ickes looks even more smug.

Clinton +39 to +53: Obama chained and dragged to DNC headquarters, where he is made to renounce "hope" and swear obeisance to Hillary. Bill Richardson forcibly shaved. Crown Royal sales skyrocket.

Clinton +54 to +83: Ted Kennedy's head impaled on a stick outside the Clinton Chappaqua mansion. Hundreds of op-ed pieces from right-wing columnists about the "Democrat racism problem." Nancy Pelosi retires, citing a desire to "spend more time with my family, whom I pray are all safe and alive." Mark Penn installed as head of the DNC.

Clinton +84 to +99: HillaryCare immediately imposed by pliant Congress. Americans stripped of their guns and forced to have one abortion per family. Bill Clinton allowed to live out the remainder of his days in Caribbean exile. Exultant Hillary removes synthetic face-covering to show nation her actual cyborg features.

Clinton +100: The Rapture.

Comments

Be the first to respond. Post your comment below.

Advertisement


Post a comment

Your comment will not be visible for about a minute. If you don't see your comment when the page reloads, do not post it again. Reload the page in a minute, and you'll see it.

 


Pope Against Accumulation Of Wealth

Signs of the Times: Beverly Hills Chihuahua Kills it at the Box Office

John McCain a Terrible Pilot

Polar Bear Knut: Where Is He Now?

With A Month To Go, The Campaign Gets Nasty

Dow Plunges Below 10,000

O.J. Simpson: Guilty

Tina Fey Saves Liberal Sanity

I Love Money: The Happy Ending

The Year Democrats Actually Did Something Maybe


EXECUTIVE EDITOR:


MANAGING EDITOR:


EDITOR AT LARGE:


STAFF WRITER:


CONTRIBUTORS:



and others



Email us at:
tips@radaronline.com
or IM: TipRadar







Full Court Press
Good news and bad news for Obama, farewell to Paul Newman, and this week's winners and sinners

Macho Ma'am
Is Sarah Palin a "muscular feminist," or simply a dumb jock?

Naked Ambition
Secrets for success in the Playboy empire

Full Court Press
Charles Kaiser on the failed Wall Street bailout

Ghost Writer
As JT LeRoy, Savannah Knoop perpetrated one of the biggest hoaxes in literary history. Now she tells Radar her side of the story





Mark Wahlberg Talks To Animals
It's a funny SNL clip!

Terrible Sarah Palin Impression
But still awesome

Obama's Gloves Come Off
Hits McCain where it hurts

The Dark Bailout
The Joker was right

In Case You MIssed Friday's Debate
Here's a quick recap