Coke vs. Pepsi. Kennedy vs. Castro. Heidi vs. L.C. Epic yet minor rifts when compared to the timeless power struggle between New York and Los Angeles. In the name of settling this battle royale, each week Radar will take stock and determine which city truly holds the competitive edge.

It's Friday. A time to reflect on a week of half-honest work done moderately well, a time for Radar editors to file one last item before heading out to swill overpriced rotgut in dolorous downtown pits, and, if you're Los Angeles based Queen of all Media Perez Hilton, a time to take a lie detector test to show American that you totally made out with John Mayer in New York City.

How will this meeting of lips affect this week's coastal battle?

NYC: Hitler Youth, Shitler Smouth. Pope Benedict XVI announces plans to make his first visit to an Upper West Side synagogue.
L.A.: L.A. County outlier Pomona is once again passed over by Trader Joe's. What of the city's residents and their need for overpriced pre-packaged organica? Even neighboring Chino has a Trader Joe's, and, if you will remember, that's where tough kids like Ryan from The O.C. come from.
Advantage: NYC

NYC: Emboldened by the success of their sisters and brothers on the west coast, New York's Starbucks baristas lobby to keep their tips in the largest ever "restaurant worker class-action lawsuit" in city history.
L.A.: "Ask a Mexican"'s Gustavo Arellano admits his farewell column was a hoax. Oh, Orange County, you and your Chicano chicanery!
Advantage: NYC

NYC: Leo DiCaprio buys an eco-friendly NYC condominium, which includes such innovations as a "programmable thermostat."
L.A.: Heidi Montag endorses John McCain. He, in turn, describes the reality TV star as a "fine actress." Next up on The Hills: Justin Bobby's super-delegate status revealed!
Advantage: NYC

NYC: Headline of note: "Tears for rap bash bullet ma"
L.A.:: Headline of note: "Cocks leave neighborhood. Residents have peace."
Advantage: L.A.

FINAL SCORE:
NYC: 3
L.A.: 1

And the victory goes to New York City. Only in the city that never sleeps can the nightmare of soft rock's premiere stand-up-comedian sticking his singsong tongue into the Internet's most reviled gossip queen's gaping maw be made real. Tune in next week as the battle rages on...