Oh noes! We really are in a recession, according to more and more economically minded types. Bear Stearns, sub-prime mortgage mess and all. Worst pace of growth since 1991, "largest financial shock since the Great Depression," yadayadayada. But as it turns out, the so-called boom of the last several years was kind of a sham for most Americans.

According to the data miners at the Census Bureau, the median American family earned $500 less in 2007 than it did in 2000, even while the richies went crazy building yachts the size of aircraft carriers and eating babies or whatever it is they do these days to amuse themselves. The bad news? The Average Joes out there have even less income to pad themselves with this time around. And to top it all off, even cheap and cheerful Chinese goods are about to get significantly more expensive. So, in a nutshell, you and your cheap tastes are screwed.

We plan to celebrate by drinking some gin out of a shoe, '30s-style.