The gossip columns this morning are atwitter over the the grainy cellphone video of talented, troubled thespian Lindsay Lohan maybe blowing untalented, troubled ex-boyfriend Calum Best. Lindsay denies it's her—of course, she also admitted that she doesn't really remember any of the time she spent with Best, so her word isn't exactly bond—but a "friend" tells the New York Post, "Privately, nobody believes her. It is her." Another individual "close" to Lohan tells the Daily News, "I think it's her." These "friends" accomplish the difficult feat of making Dina Lohan seem like she has her daughter's vested interest at heart!

These friends are also categorically wrong.

A blog called The Blemish [via Jezebel] has unearthed the source of the clip [NSFW, obviously]; it was added two months ago and is also accompanied by two other short video snippets, both of which demonstrate beyond all reasonable doubt that the mystery fellatio artist is not the Herbie: Fully Loaded actress.

That said, we're not discounting the possibility that a Lohan sex tape exists, or the possibility that she's on camera right now attempting to satiate public demand for one. [Please, please let her be on camera right now. —Ed.] We're just saying this isn't it. Bummer.