Though Monday found Elisabeth Hasselbeck issuing an impassioned plea for someone to "please write [her] the rules on racism," she proved herself able to sit through Barack Obama's appearance on The View today with no such manual at hand. Perhaps sharing her concern, Whoopi and Barbara issued a reminder that their guest had indeed condemned his former Reverend Jeremiah Wright's controversial remarks on race and America—you know, should she feel the urge to push the issue. Which of course she did. Obama did his best to help Hasselbeck wrap her little blonde head around the Rev's place in his life, explaining that the controversial remarks she'd heard were just snippets taken over a course of 20 years. "Imagine if somebody compiled the five stupidest things you'd ever said, and put them in a 30-second loop that was playing every day for two weeks," Obama said. Hmmm ... the five stupidest things Elisabeth Hasselbeck has ever said? Well, quickly, and off the top of our heads ...

1. On The New Kids On the Block: "They are my Beatles. They are the Beatles of my generation."

2. On love: "Obviously, no one's denied the right to marry, you could marry someone of the opposite sex."

3. On the morning-after pill: "It's the same thing as birthing a baby and leaving it out in the street!"

4. On teamwork and the vagina: "We are all doing our kegels right now on ABC."

5. And early in the program today, Elisabeth fumbled to quote Abraham Lincoln as having said, "In order to be a good liar you have to have a perfect memory." What Lincoln may have actually said was, "No man has a good enough memory to be a successful liar," which is a bit more of a condemnation that the pseudo-challenge Elisabeth posited. Surely not the stupidest thing the crazy republican ever said, but the most recent ... that we know of.