• Francis' sloppy 670ths: Freshly sprung meatstick Joe Francis allegedly offers America's Whore Ashley Dupré (remember her? Spitzer? Z100?) $1 million for a photo spread in his Girls Gone Wild magazine and a tour. It reportedly wouldn't be the first time she's taken a ride on the GGW bus (video of her 18th birthday on the ho-wagon is supposed to crop up here.)

• Not Dingle?: Halle Berry names her newborn daughter Nahla Ariela Aubry, which is Arabic for either "drink of water," "honeybee," or "Please, never watch Monster's Ball."

• Unrepentant: Lynndie England, the disgraced Abu Ghraib guard with the most offensive finger guns in wartime history, tells weekly German mag Stern that pictures of her posing with prisoners was a rallying point for insurgents, adding, "If the media hadn't exposed the pictures to that extent, then thousands of lives would have been saved." And mess of others, tortured.

• Score one for justice: The judge in the Mills-McCartney divorce proceeding says Paul was "consistent, accurate, and honest" and that Mills "has an explosive and volatile character," explaining further that Mills, who lost her leg after being run down by a police motorcycle, "must have felt rather swept off her feet by a man as famous as [McCartney]."

• The Ozzman goeth: Ozzy Osbourne gives up on a Black Sabbath reunion when someone accidentally lets it slip to the Prince of Darkness that he's legally dead.