TALK TO HER Tionna

Hey Tionna,

Please help! I have a major romantic dilemma. I'm breaking up with my current partner and I'm ready for someone new in my life. There are two people on the horizon, but I just can't decide between them. I've never been more conflicted in my life!

Person A is smart, experienced, and ruthlessly efficient. I know that if we're together this person will work as hard as possible to try and make things better for me. Unfortunately, half of my friends hate this person, because we were sort of together once before. And while, when I look back at that time, it seems that things were much better then, I worry that I'm letting my current relationship cloud my judgment. Also, this person can be kind of abrasive; sometimes when things work out there's a lot of "I will destroy you" stuff. Still, I can't help but feeling that the person's heart is in the right place, and the fact that the person is familiar with how I work makes me think that A is the safer choice.

Person B moves me in a way I haven't been moved in years. Brilliant, charismatic, inspiring... Person B really makes me feel like true love really exists, and that I deserve better than what I've gotten so far. But here's the thing: I worry that Person B, who hasn't been around the block as much as my other suitor, might be raising my hopes too much. And I'm not sure how to put this, but I'm sort of afraid that if Person B somehow lets me down it will have an incredibly devastating effect on me, almost worse than if we were never together at all. Like, if Person B disappoints me I'm going to feel as if there's no point in trying to find love anymore.

This is really important. The guy I'm currently with really screwed things up for me. Most of my friends hate me now, he burned through my savings, and because of some of the things he did, people think I'm selfish and even racist. So this choice is really going to define the rest of my life. What should I do? Take a chance on someone who really turns me on but might not get the job done, or settle for someone who knows how to pull my levers but will probably continue alienating a lot of my friends? I just can't decide. Help me, Tionna, you're my only hope.

Your Friend,
Undecided

P.S. There's a third person in the picture, but this person is much older than I am. Also, kind of scary and bad-tempered. I worry that some night the person may haul off and hit me. So I'm not really going to consider it.

Hey girl,

This is definitely one of those situations where you are stuck between a rock and a hard place. It's like, do you go with your mind or with your heart. Your old boyfriend, Person A, sounds like the type of guy who everyone hates but is definitely on his grizzy (which means grind) in terms of life. He seems like the type of man who works hard and will set you up great in life, and I like the fact that you guys have history.

Then there is Person B, the man who seems like every woman's dream. He is nice and he gives you those little butterflies in your stomach. He's what I call your "Santa Claus"; you know that time in your life where you actually believed in fairytales.

Here's my concerns with both guys; Person A is the past. You gave him a chance before and obviously it didn't work out if you guys aren't together right now. I don't know if I'm being pessimistic of not but Person B, definitely sounds a little too good to be true. It's like everyone starts out being perfect for you, then all of a sudden they switch up on ya. I also think that you are too emotionally dependent on Person B. You said it yourself that if he messes up you'd find love again. Oh freaking please, don't think like that. One man doesn't determine the show.

To be honest with you, girl, you sound very, very, very confused. It's like you don't know what it is that you want. This is what I am going to tell you to do: Go for the person with the stability. Yes, I usually say go with your heart but with the failure rate of relationships, I say be smart. Go for the one who you know will be there for you and will help your dreams come true. So what if your so-called friends don't like him? They'll get over it. Just make sure they all respect each other. That should work, but if it doesn't, just be friends with all the men and do your thang.

Love,

Tionna.