Inviting a handful of camera-crazed sluts to live together in a house and catfight it out for on man's has-been heart certainly has its perks. The busty, giggling, bikini-clad backstage casualties spit-shining his motorcycle in the living room, for starters. But, it's not all fun and games in this second season of Bret's Michaels televised quest for something vaguely resembling love. Because, shockingly, those pole-dancing, binge-drinking, stranger-straddling women have feelings, too. And they really, really want to tell you all about them.

The much anticipated Super Bowl-postponed fourth installment of Rock of Love began as promised—extremely stupid people trying to build motorcycles while wearing midriff tops. The whole sad affair revolved around exposed thongs and spurts of brilliance including, "I don't know anything about motorcycles other than guys who ride motorcycles are hot," and, thankfully, this interaction: Stupid girl: "Can you tell me where the air cleaner is?" Not amused supervisor: "It's over there by the sign that says air cleaner."

The linebacker-esque Inna, oddly costumed as Bret Michaels himself wins a solo date, her four teammates get a group date, and Peyton, the loser, cries—the first of many, many painful sobfests. In a nutshell:

At some point Daisy escorts Michaels to his room while the other girls speculate about the likelihood of uglies—really uglies—bumping. Aubry confronts Daisy. Daisy is vague and sort of generally incapable of using her over-injected parrot fish lips to form complete sentences. Aubry gets mad that Bret didn't say goodnight or something and storms into his room to confront him about his "neglect," crying, "I'm a karaoke host, okay. I know people."

Not to be beat in the most-ludicrously dramatic category, Kristy Joe gathers all of the other girls—who clearly and justly hate her—to tell them about her troubled home life including a husband, an ex-husband, a restraining order, and, presumably, non-working appliances on her front lawn. They don't care. Then she goes to Michaels room to hysterically cry some more.

Onto the group date—in an act comparable to buying your girlfriend a Playboy bunny costume for Christmas, they have a sexy pin-up girl photo shoot before retiring to the lawn for lunch. That's when Michaels refers to Kristy Joe as "what's her face" and unabashedly makes fun of her. Aubry gets mad again and runs off to tell Kristy Joe. Kristy Joe cries. And then storms into Michaels' room blinded by anger. Then she decides that the loves him again. And cries.

Onto elimination: Passes are distributed, their recipients bounce with glee.

Then it's down to the criers - Kristy Joe and Aubry. Astonishingly, Kristy Joe is crying. And just as Michael's is about to announce the final victor, Aubry, overcome with sympathy for Kristy Joe, sacrifices herself to give Kristy Joe another day to publicly unpack her emotional baggage. Then she goes on and on (and on) sobbing and congratulating herself on this remarkable gift she's given her dear friend. She and Kristy Joe share a heartfelt embrace before she leaves the mansion. Back in the elimination room, Michaels, in a magnificent work of reality television art, discloses that the final pass was actually intended for Kristy Joe, and the whole world cringed with embarrassment for Aubry's outrageous display. Except Kristy Joe. Because she was crying.