As the southern-most meat in our American sandwich was pummeled by hurricanes, the political primaries heated up on both coasts, and both Los Angelenos and New Yorkers showed their true colors:

NYC: Obama Girl didn't vote, but she did go to a politics-themed Svedka-sponsored after-party in Manhattan. "Typical party girl," detractors on her website sneered. Michelle Obama revealed that the democracy-averse temptress not only didn't vote, her writings prompted the couple's six-year-old daughter to question the sanctity of their marriage, asking: "Daddy, you have mommy, right?"
L.A.: California's democratic primary goes to Hillary Clinton. Never mind claims that voting machines were missing from certain L.A. polling stations, Perez Hilton will be expecting his thank you note.
Advantage: L.A.

NYC: Three occasions to stay loaded all week: Super Tuesday, Ash Wednesday, Giants win the Super Bowl.
L.A.: Three occasions to stay loaded all week: Super Tuesday, Ash Wednesday, American Pie Star Jason Biggs announces his engagement!!!
Advantage: NYC

NYC: Headline of note: "Clumsy Cop Shoots Tot"
L.A.: Headline of note: "The Bacon-Wrapped Hot Dog: So Good It's Illegal
Advantage: L.A.

NYC: The Gambino crime family is crippled, as federal agents collar nearly 60 high-ranking mob bosses, effectively ridding the city of the last of John Gotti's underlings—and New York's esteemed position as a haven for murderous wise guys with hearts of gold.
L.A.: Should Hillary get the nomination, L.A. mayor and news-anchor-hottie slaying Antonio Villaraigosa may be called to serve his country in a Clinton cabinet position. For his replacement, LAT opinion columnist Patt Morrison nominates another philandering dynamo with big-city street cred: New York's own Rudy Giuliani. The reason: "He's deliciously mean." We also hear rumors that he's good in a crisis, can identify a terrorist from 200 yards away, and though he can't bang telecaster-level broads, he's sexed-up a cousin. Which is something!
Advantage: L.A.

FINAL SCORE
NYC: 1
L.A.: 3

A bacon-wrapped hot dog? A mayor whose heart is as open and giving as the former Telemundo anchor he was sexing? Come on, that's amazing. Tune in next week as the battle rages on ...