Monday night at Ports 1961, Radar was relegated to viewing designer Tia Cibani's Fall collection on flat-screen monitors under the main tent. The label had attracted such an enormous crowd that 45 minutes after the show was supposed to begin, the burly, though handsomely attired security personnel announced that approximately 200 as-yet unseated guests would,sadly, remain unseated. Fortunately, Eliza Dushku, Sophia Bush, Mandy Moore, and Rose McGowan avoided such a cruel fate. (They must have gotten there, like, really early.) Most others declined the offer to watch remotely, stilettos sinking between the cobblestones around the Bryant Park fountain, and disappeared into the rain in hopes of being seated at the next show. Your faithful Radar correspondent included.

Over at Iodice's Winter 2008 presentation, smart tweed totes (read: scratchy burlap sacks) emblazoned with beach scenes from Brazil served as both the gift bag and the gift. Which was good enough for Olivia Palermo, who made her plaid-laden male companion schlep one around for photo-ops. Ally Hilfiger was less taken with the swag, but then the bag would have clashed terribly with the giant geek-chic glasses she was wearing.

We were hoping to sidle up to the likes of Heather Graham or Amy Smart, but we couldn't spot them in the crowd. The front row, in fact, seemed to be largely populated by people who'd been waiting with us in line. We did manage to spot the guy who was talking loudly on his cell phone about why it's okay to cheat on his wife and the gaggle of aspiring models who, tragically, seemed to suffer from height-weight proportion dysmorphic disorder.

The most noteworthy nobody, however, was guilty of greater indignities than infidelity or a total lack of self-awareness. This indistinguishable front-rower couldn't get out of there quick enough. After the models gave their final promenade and designer Valdemar Iodice walked out for his due, this dude leaped from his seat and bolted for the exit—just barely bumping into the Brazilian designer, who nobly shrugged off the encounter with a winning South American grin.