L.A.: Paparazzi continue their investigations of Britney's nether-regions. The Internet becomes an even more lonely and soulless place when, subsequently, photo agency X-17 posts the pop star's "incredibly nasty" lady-stainage on its blog. Is uterine lining no longer sacred?
NYC: Paparazzi clamor outside 421 Broome St., jockeying for the money shot: Heath Ledger's body being wheeled out of the SoHo apartment.
Advantage: A slim win for L.A.
L.A.: Snow!
NYC: New Yorkers continue to enjoy a snow-free winter. Except the kind that's being rolled into Spitzer's new "crack tax."
Advantage: NYC
L.A.: The Los Angeles Times gets back in the endorsement game, but holds off on releasing their picks until this weekend. Wusses.
NYC: Scooped by a little-known website called Radar, the Times makes an early declaration of their endorsements, managing to tell off Rudy Giuliani in the process. Says the Times: Rudy is a "narrow, obsessively secretive, vindictive man." (This is the political version of classic Clueless diss, "You're a virgin who can't drive.")
Advantage: NYC
L.A.: Britney Spears slid behind the wheel, then sidled up to the elementary school in her continuing quest to out-crazy Tom Cruise, Michael Jackson, and that blonde woman who used to date Ellen.
NYC: L.A. transplant Kimora Lee Simmons will no longer be able to enjoy the tremendous parking benefits afforded New York City's corrections officers.
Advantage: NYC
L.A.: Notable headline: "Cadaver Exhibit: Who Said Okay?"
NYC: Notable headline: "Evil Lesbian Mom Left Toddler to Die Slow Death"
Advantage: L.A.
FINAL SCORE:
L.A.: 2
NYC: 3
New York for the win. True, it's a shameful win covered in the tears of oprhaned children and the blood of God-loving patriotic Americans, but a win nonetheless.
Tune in next week as the battle rages on ...