Having a hard time putting your finger on the perfect Valentine's Day gift? Less than a month away, V-Day looms like a satin shitcloud ready to rain candied hearts and edible undies. You don't have to sell out to Big Valentine. Why not go unique this year? Why not go with, say, a vagina-themed handbag?

Our favorite, The Velvet Vulva, is a line of "fine purses and magickal bags" designed to look like lady parts in crushed velvet, silk, satin, and leopard flannel. The bags have a "sumptuous fabric labia and a beautiful button clitoris" and "as in life, come in various sizes, shapes, and styles." Georgia O'Keefe, eat your heart out!

The heavy flow of cooch-related offerings doesn't stop there [maybe NSFW] ...

The man-eating-vagina vehicle, Teeth (opens Friday), is a film that is sure to put some bite in this most romantic of evenings. And while you're watching Jess Weixler's no-no areas attack, you may want to tickle your other sensory organs with the dank mist of Vulva Original, a "beguiling vaginal scent."

After the movie, may we recommend you snuggle up—in a giant vagina? A NorCal art student has crafted just such a thing: A very special couch constructed in pink upholstery that can be yours for a mere $600.