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Adrian Grenier Pickup Lines: A Play in One Act

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VINNY ON THE CHASE Grenier
[Scene: A crowded loft on Manhattan's Lower East Side. It is approximately 2:00 a.m.; the party is now winding down, though the bar is still open and people are still drunkenly—badly—dancing. In walks Entourage star Adrian Grenier, the only famous face in an otherwise nondescript crowd of 20-somethings. Surveying the scene, his eye fixes upon a pretty brunette standing near a couch, on which a Radar reporter happens to be sitting. They make eye-contact and she smiles. He approaches. They are both wearing jeans, though it is unclear whose are skinnier. Her hair is slightly longer; his hair is noticeably greasier.]

Adrian: Hi, what's your name?
Brunette: [Giggling. It is obvious she knows who he is; she is flattered that he has approached her] Elizabeth*. What's yours?
Adrian: Adrian.
Brunette: Nice to meet you! And what do you do, Adrian?
Adrian: I make documentary films.
Brunette: Oh really?
Adrian: Yeah. And some other stuff on the side. What about you?
Brunette: I'm in fashion.
Adrian: That's cool. So how about we go home and I fuck the shit out of you?

Brunette: [Staring, somewhat flabbergasted] Excuse me? I don't really know you well enough to do that, I don't think.
Adrian: Well, let's get to know each other. Where are you from, Elizabeth?
Brunette: I'm from Houston, Texas.
Adrian: [Pauses. Warily.] Are you a Democrat or a Republican?
Brunette: Didn't anyone ever tell you it's impolite to talk about politics and religion at a party?
Adrian: Well who did you vote for in the last election?
Brunette: Not that it's any of your business, I voted for Bush.
Adrian: [Upon hearing the name Bush, Adrian works himself into a minor frenzy] Wow. I mean, how could you? Are you serious? Do you know what he's done to this country? I mean ... well, who are you voting for in this election?
Brunette: I haven't decided yet.
Adrian: Hmm. Well how about we go home and I fuck the shit out of you and we talk about it in the morning?
Brunette: No thanks.

Fin.

(* Name has been changed to protect the accosted)

Comments

Adrian has intercourse with republicans? Tsk tsk tsk.

Posted by: Rikolas Deagitle on January 9, 2008 12:46 PM

To be fair to AG, he's boning her in spite of her right-wing ways.

If you think about it, he's really just trying to bridge the gap by attempting to bring the two parties together, making him pretty much the best American of all time.

Posted by: moneycashhos on January 10, 2008 5:09 PM

yo, adrian. i've tried that line. it doesn't work unless you're leo. you're not leo.

Posted by: big pink eraser on January 10, 2008 11:36 PM

I actually back this. What's the point of being a celebrity if you can't say shit like this?

Posted by: twitter on January 11, 2008 2:46 PM

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Get a clue, Adrian. You need God in your life---so many lost souls in this world and so needlesly. Get over your misconceived feeling that you need to be cool and conform.

Posted by: GetAclue on May 18, 2008 12:55 AM


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