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Shocker: Freakishly Large Baseball Players Used Steroids

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JUICY? Bonds (Photo: Getty Images)
So apparently pretty much everyone in Major League Baseball who's had a decent career in the last few years was on the juice at some point. That's the conclusion to be drawn from a leaked (and disputed) list of players linked to the use of performance enhancing drugs in former Senate Majority Leader George Mitchell's investigation of steroids in baseball. The list includes such legends as Barry Bonds, Albert Pujols, Roger Clemens, Mark McGwire, and Jason Giambi, all of whom might have fallen under suspicion due to their longevity, power, and shockingly oversize heads. Asked to respond, a major leaguer named on the list offered these thoughts: "RARRRR! ME DESTROY GEORGE MITCHELL! RARRRR! Other than that, I have no further comment on the matter."

Rich Garces? Really? I hope no one else was using the same steroids he was, though that could explain Bartolo Colon's success.

Posted by: twitter on December 13, 2007 1:38 PM

Albert Pujols was not mentioned in the Mitchell Report, I just read it. All of the other players were...and they should all be banned in my opinion.

Posted by: JtheVon on December 13, 2007 3:38 PM

"...all of whom might have fallen under suspicion due to their longevity, power, and shockingly oversize heads."

Does this mean that John Mayer uses steroids? Cause, man, does that guy have a big ol' pumpkin head.

Posted by: Fate Popcorn on December 13, 2007 5:28 PM

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